The Real Deal
by Bradykins98
Summary: The Flock were the only birdkids right? Wrong. Meet John McClane, trained by Itex to be the ultimate assassin, but they didn't count on his ability to get into situations that his namesake would be proud of. Or the fact that he wants to live free. Shame he'll probably die hard. T for Violence, language, sexual innuendoes and bacon. Lots and lots of bacon... On Hiatus, sorry.


The Real Deal

Chapter 1: Introducing Me

You're probably thinking right now; aw crap, not another corny story that the Flock aren't the main characters in. Well, guess what folks, this isn't one of those stories. You see, JP, although Max did do a pretty good job telling him their story (apart form Nevermore which never happened, which we are all grateful for), she purposely missed out one huge thing: me, John "Die Hard" McClane (and FYI, I'm not Bruce bloody Willis).

That's 'cause I wanted to tell it, in my own words. Be warned, there will be blood. There will be death. There will be high speed chases with fighter jets. There will be insane stunts that belong in a Die Hard film, hence my nickname.

And there will be lots of sarcastic comments and bacon eating, for bacon is the Chuck Norris of foods. And there might even be love along the way, but hopefully not for me. Just to warn you.

Yippie-Ki-Yay mother fuckers.

* * *

Now, when this all really started for me? I guess it had started when I was abducted as a baby all the way over from good old England. Then I was implanted with eagle DNA, just like the Flock. But unlike them, I wasn't locked up until they wanted to stick some needles in me, or electrocute me or something stupid like that. No, Itex decided in all their wisdom to train one bird kid to be the ultimate assassin. As in, Agent 47 style assassin (if you don't know who Agent 47 is, you have not lived). So, for five years, my daily schedule looked like this:

* * *

0500 = Wake up, usually with banging and shouting and punching.

0530 = Breakfast, one rash of bacon (the only good thing in my life for five years)

0540 = Brain training, basically they plugged a hard drive of assassiny stuff into my brain and clicked "copy and paste". Not fun, I can tell you.

0600 = Hand to hand combat training, at the moment I'm a master of Ju-Jitsu, Kung-Fu, Tae-Kwon-Do, and Max-Kwon-Do (courtesy of the Flock, naturally).

0800 = Firearms training, basically I shot guns and rockets and other cool stuff. Awesome!

1200 = Lunch Break, five minutes to eat a six by six centimetre square of bread. Did they think I ate in slow motion or something; I didn't live in a John Woo film. (FYI now it's a James Cameron one, with all of the special effects real)

1205 = Flight training, as if they thought I needed to learn how to _fly._ I was practically born with wings for bacon's sake! But I still did nearly kill myself the first time I tried (to my eternal manly shame).

1600 = Theory, about sneaking around and disguises, and stuff that basically could make me 00Bacon (cue James Bond theme tune), now that _would_ be awesome.

1800 = Dinner (FINALY!), this time a whole sandwich, great right! Apart from the lettuce filling (Yo, Itex. You didn't give me rabbit DNA you know!).

1830 = Rest time, AKA locked up in cage with other birdkids time. Least I got to talk to people.

1900 = Experiments = Yes, yes, alright, I way lying when I said I wasn't experimented on, but at least it was only for a short time. I got off lucky.

2000 = History of Assassination = Yep, these was the suckiest, most boring hours of my life. Period.

2300 = Sleep. Well, an hour of being tormented by Erasers, then sleep. Fun.

* * *

Yep, that was my schedule for a regular day, for five years. I can't remember anything from before I was five though, so it could be more. But trust me, I got off lightly. The rest of the birdkids got it much worse. I don't complain (much) as I know they had it worse. But how I got out is where my story really begins.

**A/N: Holy bacon, not another story I've started! I need to stop. Anyway, 'sup ya'll, I'm Bradykins ****and I'm Mr Hyde****. Quiet fool, and go back in your operating theatre. ****Biebur will be next, mwa ha ha…**** Please make it so mate. Anyway, you might know me thanks to my other MR story, ****_A Different War_****. If not, then hello! John McClane will definitely take after his namesake in the next chapter, so expect explosions, gunfights, and helicopters. Sorry this chapters so short. But wait, I'm seeing the new Die Hard tomorrow, so excited! Anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll shut up.**

**Bradykins out. ******


End file.
